Bye bye Tim Stüttgen

Escrito por María Llopis en 13/05/2013. Publicado en Personal, Porn and Postporn.

On Sunday I woke up very early as the birds were singing loud and I was freezing cold. I closed my window and looked for an extra blanket. I had been dreaming of a sad man I did not know. He was ill, with lost gaze, his soul gone. It was a horrible nightmare.

Later in the day I got the news. The birds were singing goodbye to him and the cold was the cold of death. My very good and dearest friend Tim had died. He was one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. He was a true genius.

You sent me an email on Saturday evening. You did not leave me time to answer. How are you Maria? I am fine Tim, I am 17 weeks pregnant and back in my house by the beach, we were here together some years ago, remember? You can come here if you wish to have a break, of course. I am so sad that you are not feeling very good at the moment and I am so sad that you decided to leave already.

I loved meeting you.

I went to the sea and by looking at the waves I calmed down. I felt that you were not gone, that nothing is ever over, because the waves come back all over again. I do not know very well what I felt, but it was reassuring. I hope you found the peace you were looking for and that we meet again soon.

Please look after my baby in the meantime. When we saw each other last time in Berlin I was one week pregnant and I did not know. It was great having dinner with you. Thanks for coming to my presentation on subversive maternities. I love you Tim and I will always do. Bye bye my dear friend.

María Llopis

El trabajo de María Llopis se mueve en diferentes medios y soportes, como la fotografía, el vídeo y el live art performance. Desarrolla una visión alternativa propia de la identidad sexual y de género siempre partiendo de un fuerte posicionamiento político feminista. Llopis está en la actualidad escribiendo un libro titulado Maternidades Subversivas y que tratará los temas de parto orgásmico, pornografía feminista y maternidad, maternidad transexual y trangénero, y partenogénesis, entre otros.

Comentarios (25)

Del LaGrace Volcano

13/05/2013 a las 07:08

I know a bit about how close you and Tim were/are Maria and although we only met in the flesh a few times we had quite a lot of online contact throughout the years. I am saddened that so many, too many queerly fabulous friends have made the choice to walk away from life. I wonder how or what I/we could have done to make the unbearable bearable. As one life ends I learn that another one has begun and feel joy, for you, for us.
- Maria Llopis
  
  13/05/2013 a las 07:28
  
  Dear Del, thanks for your words and for your kind feelings.
  
  I did love Tim and he appreciated you both personally and professionally very much, which in our world is very tied together, isn´t it?
  
  Thanks for your words on the new life coming. I attended your lecture at the Tate just a week after I met Tim in Berlin, so I was already pregnant by then. You are an inspiration in queer maternity/paternity to me.
  
  To our queerly fabulous friends, the gone and the coming ones, love always.
V.

13/05/2013 a las 07:53

hey, Maria. Met Tim thru you. And we are thinking of you since yesterday. Images with both of you, nice images. Time to remember things, and wave good bye. It is a cold day. We hug you – deeply. Virginie, Beatriz.
- Maria Llopis
  
  13/05/2013 a las 08:13
  
  Those images are also in my mind. I send my love to you Virginie and Beatriz. Thanks.
Carmen

13/05/2013 a las 07:54

This is so sad, honey. For Tim, for you, for all of us. For not being able to cope with this terrible world . . . and still this is the only world we know. As Del LaGrace says, I also believe that one extinguished life brings a new one. When my son was born, a dearest friend died. Somehow, there must be a balance. May Tim’s good energy pass onto your baby.
- Maria Llopis
  
  13/05/2013 a las 08:12
  
  Thanks Carmen, I would have loved them to meet, my baby and him. Perhaps they have already or they will soon.
lucía

13/05/2013 a las 08:39

ay maría, esto es muy triste y muy sorpresivo. te mando un abrazo grande grande y besos suaves en el centro de tu ombligo
- Maria Llopis
  
  13/05/2013 a las 18:08
  
  gracias Lucia por tus besos y tu cariño
idm

13/05/2013 a las 10:31

maria lo sentimos un abrazo
ideadestroyingmuros
Alberto Pérez Pérez-Duque

13/05/2013 a las 10:54

Querría decir algo con sentido y profundo y sólo estoy triste y muy enfadado contra nada en particular.
- Maria Llopis
  
  13/05/2013 a las 18:08
  
  yo también estoy triste, enfadada estaba antes y se me ha pasado de golpe
Elliat Graney-Saucke

13/05/2013 a las 12:02

For those who live in Berlin, there are vigils being held at his apartment every day this week until Friday/Saturday starting at 5pm – good to bring food/drinks or anything else you want. Lots of love, Elliat
- Maria Llopis
  
  13/05/2013 a las 18:09
  
  Thanks Elliat,
  my heart is there everyday from 5pm.
shulea

13/05/2013 a las 18:06

dear maria
very very sad to hear about tim’s death. I did see him at transmediale this last february where he made a presentation and talked about his new book… i did sense a bit of sadness in him…. and you… with a baby coming up… take care.
- Maria Llopis
  
  13/05/2013 a las 18:14
  
  When I saw him in January I also sensed this sadness, now of course I wish I had done something, then, on Saturday, at some point. But we have to fully respect life and death. He left because he had to go somewhere else, I tried to think it this way.
  
  Hope we can meet soon, it´s been too long.
  Sending you lots of love.
liad

13/05/2013 a las 21:50

thank you for your wise and wonderful words. tim loved you very much.
- Maria Llopis
  
  23/05/2013 a las 16:24
  
  I loved him very much too my dear Liad
  you are very sweet
Diana

14/05/2013 a las 14:12

yo aún no tengo palabras, pasar por esta experiencia de nuevo me está moviendo muchas cosas, muchas heridas se abren de nuevo.
sólo puedo pensar en su cara y esa sonrisa.
http://pornoterrorismo.com/2013/05/14/buen-viaje-miss-mei-monigatti/

A las que quedamos vivas y tristes, a todas, os envío mi amor.
<3
Diana
- Maria Llopis
  
  14/05/2013 a las 15:01
  
  qué foto maravillosa!!!
Hank

14/05/2013 a las 15:40

Thank you for your words, Maria. I was touched by your very beautiful writing.
- Maria Llopis
  
  23/05/2013 a las 16:24
  
  hi Hank
  thanks to you
  it was lovely sharing this beautiful time together with you and Tim in Vienna
klau

19/05/2013 a las 04:19

hasta que no llegé a tu blog ayer no me habia enterado, me quedé helada maría.
de manera bastante naif vi fotos de tim en otros blogs y pensé que se iba de viaje a un lugar lejano y exótico ¿donde irá the lovely filthy timy? pensé en mi parra, fuera y distante de la órbita de redes sociales o de cualquier comunicación inmediata.
hoy, menos congelada te agradezco y abrazo.
a una galaxía paralela se ha ido, como un gran rayo de neón, purpurina y tinta.
Esto me hace pensar en él: “Light is the voice of the stars.” ’(Anon 1880)
cariño.
- Maria Llopis
  
  23/05/2013 a las 16:23
  
  mucho cariño para ti también Klau preciosa
Monika Stüttgen

18/10/2013 a las 20:21

Liebe Maria, ich bin die Mutter von Tim und habe schon früh deine Worte gelesen, aber war so in Trauer und verwirrt, dass ich keine Worte fand. Ich habe von Tim immer wieder von dir gehört als einer lieben, treuen, begabten Freundin, zu der er gehen konnte, wenn seine Seele leer war. Danke, dass du für ihn da warst. Leider ist mein Englisch minimal, und mein Spanisch nicht vorhanden. Ich hoffe, du kannst meine Worte trotzdem verstehen. Alles Gute für dich und dein Baby – Monika Stüttgen
- Maria Llopis
  
  18/10/2013 a las 21:13
  
  Dear Monika,
  I am very sorry for your loss. I just gave birth to a baby boy and I can not imagine a greater sorrow than not having him by my side.
  Thanks for your sweet words. My heart is with you. Please contact me if you need anything, I am here, always.
  Love,
  Maria

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